Sunday, December 11, 2011
I'm still here
I just wanted to say that I haven't completely fell of the edge of the world, yet. I'm still around and I don't really have a good reason for not posting in forever. Things haven't been entirely up to par for me recently. Every time I think I get one step ahead, someone comes along and pulls me two steps back. I'll make it through, I always have. If there was a way to get out of this situation that I've been stuck in the past four years, I would take it. Until then, I will continue to work at pulling myself out tooth and nail. And that's how you tell I'm in a slump, all the damned cliches. Oh well. I felt it necessary to tell everyone that I didn't forget about this blog. I'm not entirely sure why, probably the same reason I feel it's necessary to say yes to a favor I'd rather not do, lol. Though, that's not exactly right because I want to write, be it on my novel, a poem or a blog. But I have thought several times about doing a blog post and I just keep putting it off until I forget. Ah, the king of wishful thinking cannot also be the queen of procrastination. Things don't work that way. So, yeah, I'm not going to say things are good because that would be lying but things aren't terrible either, I guess. Things are just blah. I could go on. I could go into detail. I do not wish to bore anyone or cause anyone to feel pity for me. I am not here to go on about my life's drama. I know too much that everyone has their own life's drama to be burdened by someone else's, especially someone they've never even met. Hope everyone's holiday season is as good as it can be. There's no promise from me that I will get to post again before the New Year but I'm not saying I won't.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Unjustified
You're full of hate,
And, oh, so mean.
You call me names,
You scream at me.
What did I do,
I don't know why?
You degrade what I want,
You say it's not right.
I'm your flesh and blood,
Do you even care?
I'm not him,
I'm not my dad.
I have his looks,
That's the luck of my draw.
I remind you too much
Of what he did.
But I'm not my dad,
I didn't do those things.
I didn't strand you alone,
Didn't leave your side.
Why do you do this,
Why make me cry?
Do you want me gone, too,
I'll go when I can.
But you'll blame me when I leave,
I know you will.
Which is better to live with
The pain you cause me
Or the pain I'll cause you.
And, oh, so mean.
You call me names,
You scream at me.
What did I do,
I don't know why?
You degrade what I want,
You say it's not right.
I'm your flesh and blood,
Do you even care?
I'm not him,
I'm not my dad.
I have his looks,
That's the luck of my draw.
I remind you too much
Of what he did.
But I'm not my dad,
I didn't do those things.
I didn't strand you alone,
Didn't leave your side.
Why do you do this,
Why make me cry?
Do you want me gone, too,
I'll go when I can.
But you'll blame me when I leave,
I know you will.
Which is better to live with
The pain you cause me
Or the pain I'll cause you.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Another tidbit from Halfborn
A horrible, wet, hacking noise ripped me from my unconsciousness. I jumped off the bed immediately to survey my surroundings, only when I turned back toward the bed did I see what was causing the sound. Marshall was in an odd position with his upper body toward the edge, holding his head as far away as possible and he was coughing uncontrollably. I’d never heard anyone cough like that before, it was wet sounding, like his lungs were filled with fluid. When he breathed in it made a terrible gurgling.
I ran to his side, shocked by what was lying on the floor below his face. Blood, darker than normal, pooled on the linoleum and was speckled in various places but what was more appalling were the half-dozen teeth that lay in the middle of the burgundy pool. The teeth were whole, like they’d been extracted perfectly. I was trying to stay calm and think but my thoughts just screamed ‘What the hell is going on’ at me. Before I had a chance to think what to do another tooth flew from his mouth and hit the floor, and then he was trying to catch his breath. He’d been choking on a tooth, on his tooth.
“Water,” he rasped.
I rushed out the door, filled a pitcher with water and grabbed a large bowl in the kitchen then hurried back to him. When I reached the nightstand, I filled the glass there and handed it to him. I brought the bowl suspecting he’d want to rinse his mouth out before actually drinking but he just drank down the water, ignoring the fact his mouth was full of blood.
I looked him over while he drank. He was extremely pale, almost all the color gone from his skin, making the darkened veins more pronounced. That’s when I realized that they now covered his entire body and they looked gruesomely black against his pallor. When my gaze made its way back to his face he was staring at me, his eyes full of sadness.
“Open your mouth I want to look at what’s going on in there.” I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
He said nothing but did what I asked. Nearly all his top teeth were missing. More than what lay on the floor. I could only assume he’d swallowed some. I couldn’t see much, just the dark red holes left behind where the teeth use to be, there was no indication of why they had fallen out. Again, what was going on stumped me.
“I don’t know but I think this just looks worse than it really is.” I lied.
By the look on his face, he knew I was lying but he stayed silent. I left him alone most of the day, after cleaning up the blood off the floor and placing the lost teeth in the bowl. I only checked on him occasionally. I knew he wanted to be alone. I spent most of my time on the couch in the TV room feeling his emotions flicker and waiting for what I was sure was inevitable. I let myself follow the emotions that were not my own. There was a time that he denied what was happening, shortly proceeded with a fierce anger. Sometime close to dusk, I felt him give up, as if he embraced what was happening. He was accepting his fate and that’s when I returned to him.
“You know, we’re not a hundred percent sure that’s what’s happening.” I said as I entered the room.
I startled him, making him jump and then shake his head.
“You should get some sleep. You’re looking a little pale and you could use the rest.”
“No,” was all he said but I could feel that the thought of sleep frightened him.
I stayed in the room with him, not that he wanted me there but because I was afraid. I offered him food several times just for him to refuse, only allowing me to bring him water when the pitcher was empty. It was strange, when I finally noticed it, all the water he consumed and never having the necessity to use the toilet. I asked to make sure he didn’t need the use of it. He responded to my question with an odd expression and shook his head indicating that he didn’t. I didn’t know how much more of these unexplainable occurrences I could handle. I’d never heard of anything like this happening to anyone.
Once, while retrieving the pitcher to refill it, I noticed the bowl on the nightstand had several more of his teeth in it. By the amount there, he couldn’t have had many left in his mouth. It made me think if he did decide to eat something it would have to be soup. He stayed awake the whole night, just staring into space, occasionally adding another lost tooth to the growing pile.
Another night had passed and Marshall was still alive, though he seemed to be falling apart and his body running out of time. Somewhere between dawn and noon, the normal gurgles of his stomach stopped and the rhythm of his heartbeats slowed drastically. He didn’t speak at all throughout the day and just continued to do what he had done during the night. The last of his teeth had left the confines of his mouth in the early evening and soon after, he lost the struggle with his eyelids and slipped into unconsciousness.
I observed him while he slept, taking in the raspy, jaggedness of his breaths. Then it seemed that his darkened veins were fading, they were disappearing much faster than it took them to get there. Paying closer attention, I realized, it wasn't the veins fading but the skin of his body becoming opaque. His skin was still pale but it was getting less translucent, like it was becoming more durable. After a few hours there was no evidence the darkness, in the veins running through him, ever existed. As I stared unbelieving at him, the only thing I saw was a rather unnoticeable light blue tint to his skin, which I probably would have missed had I not been looking so intently.
I wasn’t sure how to take this occurrence. It seemed like a good thing, it was as if his body might have been trying to fix the damage but he’d been out for nearly twenty hours without even a wiggle of a finger, so his unresponsive condition challenged my hope.
I couldn’t stand sitting around any longer but there wasn’t much I could think to do. I decided on cleaning off the little blood that had dried around his mouth and on his chest. I got up and went to fetch a washrag from the bathroom and wet it, wringing out the excess water, when I returned I started with the blood that spotted his chest. I rubbed gently at the first spot but something didn’t feel right. The flesh didn’t give, as it should have. It was sturdier than I remembered it being when I’d touched him before. I moved on to clean the remaining blood from his chest, ignoring my observation. When all the blood was gone there, I moved to wiping his chin and around his mouth. I was running the cloth over his lips when they parted slightly and I seen a hint of ivory. I thought to myself, that he must not have lost all of his teeth but I set down the washcloth and brought my hands back to his face.
“Oh shit,” I squeaked as I saw the mouth full of perfect teeth in front of me.
It was as if he hadn’t lost any teeth at all. They were perfectly white, had an indescribable shine and they looked deadly. I took my thumb, ran it along the bottom of the two front ones and gasped when they sliced my thumb open. A few drops of blood fell on his tongue. That’s when I heard his heart stutter to a halt.
‘OH MY GOD! HE'S DEAD!’ I thought to myself.
I barely knew him but I felt the unbearable sadness lash through me, just as it had when I found out Peter had died. Tears slipped down my face just as they did when I lost my love. The pain that had been with me the past six days was gone... However, the bond between us didn’t feel broken.
(I put it on rewind a little, this post is from an earlier chapter than the last post from my novel Halfborn. Also, if you would like to read more about Coral and Marshall check out their diaries/journals at http://corallyn.blogspot.com/ and http://marshallsdiary.blogspot.com/ )
Thanks for reading and as always comments are welcome and very much appreciated :)
I ran to his side, shocked by what was lying on the floor below his face. Blood, darker than normal, pooled on the linoleum and was speckled in various places but what was more appalling were the half-dozen teeth that lay in the middle of the burgundy pool. The teeth were whole, like they’d been extracted perfectly. I was trying to stay calm and think but my thoughts just screamed ‘What the hell is going on’ at me. Before I had a chance to think what to do another tooth flew from his mouth and hit the floor, and then he was trying to catch his breath. He’d been choking on a tooth, on his tooth.
“Water,” he rasped.
I rushed out the door, filled a pitcher with water and grabbed a large bowl in the kitchen then hurried back to him. When I reached the nightstand, I filled the glass there and handed it to him. I brought the bowl suspecting he’d want to rinse his mouth out before actually drinking but he just drank down the water, ignoring the fact his mouth was full of blood.
I looked him over while he drank. He was extremely pale, almost all the color gone from his skin, making the darkened veins more pronounced. That’s when I realized that they now covered his entire body and they looked gruesomely black against his pallor. When my gaze made its way back to his face he was staring at me, his eyes full of sadness.
“Open your mouth I want to look at what’s going on in there.” I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
He said nothing but did what I asked. Nearly all his top teeth were missing. More than what lay on the floor. I could only assume he’d swallowed some. I couldn’t see much, just the dark red holes left behind where the teeth use to be, there was no indication of why they had fallen out. Again, what was going on stumped me.
“I don’t know but I think this just looks worse than it really is.” I lied.
By the look on his face, he knew I was lying but he stayed silent. I left him alone most of the day, after cleaning up the blood off the floor and placing the lost teeth in the bowl. I only checked on him occasionally. I knew he wanted to be alone. I spent most of my time on the couch in the TV room feeling his emotions flicker and waiting for what I was sure was inevitable. I let myself follow the emotions that were not my own. There was a time that he denied what was happening, shortly proceeded with a fierce anger. Sometime close to dusk, I felt him give up, as if he embraced what was happening. He was accepting his fate and that’s when I returned to him.
“You know, we’re not a hundred percent sure that’s what’s happening.” I said as I entered the room.
I startled him, making him jump and then shake his head.
“You should get some sleep. You’re looking a little pale and you could use the rest.”
“No,” was all he said but I could feel that the thought of sleep frightened him.
I stayed in the room with him, not that he wanted me there but because I was afraid. I offered him food several times just for him to refuse, only allowing me to bring him water when the pitcher was empty. It was strange, when I finally noticed it, all the water he consumed and never having the necessity to use the toilet. I asked to make sure he didn’t need the use of it. He responded to my question with an odd expression and shook his head indicating that he didn’t. I didn’t know how much more of these unexplainable occurrences I could handle. I’d never heard of anything like this happening to anyone.
Once, while retrieving the pitcher to refill it, I noticed the bowl on the nightstand had several more of his teeth in it. By the amount there, he couldn’t have had many left in his mouth. It made me think if he did decide to eat something it would have to be soup. He stayed awake the whole night, just staring into space, occasionally adding another lost tooth to the growing pile.
Another night had passed and Marshall was still alive, though he seemed to be falling apart and his body running out of time. Somewhere between dawn and noon, the normal gurgles of his stomach stopped and the rhythm of his heartbeats slowed drastically. He didn’t speak at all throughout the day and just continued to do what he had done during the night. The last of his teeth had left the confines of his mouth in the early evening and soon after, he lost the struggle with his eyelids and slipped into unconsciousness.
I observed him while he slept, taking in the raspy, jaggedness of his breaths. Then it seemed that his darkened veins were fading, they were disappearing much faster than it took them to get there. Paying closer attention, I realized, it wasn't the veins fading but the skin of his body becoming opaque. His skin was still pale but it was getting less translucent, like it was becoming more durable. After a few hours there was no evidence the darkness, in the veins running through him, ever existed. As I stared unbelieving at him, the only thing I saw was a rather unnoticeable light blue tint to his skin, which I probably would have missed had I not been looking so intently.
I wasn’t sure how to take this occurrence. It seemed like a good thing, it was as if his body might have been trying to fix the damage but he’d been out for nearly twenty hours without even a wiggle of a finger, so his unresponsive condition challenged my hope.
I couldn’t stand sitting around any longer but there wasn’t much I could think to do. I decided on cleaning off the little blood that had dried around his mouth and on his chest. I got up and went to fetch a washrag from the bathroom and wet it, wringing out the excess water, when I returned I started with the blood that spotted his chest. I rubbed gently at the first spot but something didn’t feel right. The flesh didn’t give, as it should have. It was sturdier than I remembered it being when I’d touched him before. I moved on to clean the remaining blood from his chest, ignoring my observation. When all the blood was gone there, I moved to wiping his chin and around his mouth. I was running the cloth over his lips when they parted slightly and I seen a hint of ivory. I thought to myself, that he must not have lost all of his teeth but I set down the washcloth and brought my hands back to his face.
“Oh shit,” I squeaked as I saw the mouth full of perfect teeth in front of me.
It was as if he hadn’t lost any teeth at all. They were perfectly white, had an indescribable shine and they looked deadly. I took my thumb, ran it along the bottom of the two front ones and gasped when they sliced my thumb open. A few drops of blood fell on his tongue. That’s when I heard his heart stutter to a halt.
‘OH MY GOD! HE'S DEAD!’ I thought to myself.
I barely knew him but I felt the unbearable sadness lash through me, just as it had when I found out Peter had died. Tears slipped down my face just as they did when I lost my love. The pain that had been with me the past six days was gone... However, the bond between us didn’t feel broken.
(I put it on rewind a little, this post is from an earlier chapter than the last post from my novel Halfborn. Also, if you would like to read more about Coral and Marshall check out their diaries/journals at http://corallyn.blogspot.com/ and http://marshallsdiary.blogspot.com/ )
Thanks for reading and as always comments are welcome and very much appreciated :)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Update
So, I haven't blogged in awhile and I never started that new one I last blogged about but I was just given a wonderful idea from a Facebook page I follow. That page would be Sofia Day's Pen & Writer's Den, maybe go like them on Facebook and no they didn't tell me to say that. Any who, the idea is to keep a diary for your fiction character, or characters in my case. I was just going to do my main character but after pondering further, I've decided to do one for my secondary character, also. If you wish to see what's going on in the life of these character's, please feel free to follow their diary's. I'm uber excited about this!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thinking
I might create a new blog. It will be strictly fiction writings; tidbits from my current wip, possibly poems and maybe short stories. Kind of what this blog Day by Day turned into, I've found I am not good at posting a daily blog or a blog revolving around my life. My life is just too boring to write about and I usually only complain about stupid things that bother me. So, while I may rarely add a post to this particular blog, it will not be a priority. Not that's its really been one lately, anyhow. I don't know when I will get the new blog started or even for a fact that it will happen but if I do, hopefully it will be soon. It's just a matter of having the time to do so. Well, that's all for now or else I'm going to go into a rant about how crappy things are, I really hate seeing all the negative around me but when everything that surrounds you appears to be negative that's usually all you see. I suppose there are good things in my life but they just seem to be outweighed by the bad. See I'm not very optimistic, lol. Wait, a bit of good news, I have a baby goat due to be delivered any day now :-)
Friday, January 14, 2011
A tasty tidbit from Halfborn
I was speechless, he was crying and I was utterly speechless. I hadn’t known it meant so much to him. What had I done to him by ignoring what he wanted, needed?
His arms were instantly around me. His mouth on mine. My leg hooked around his waist but I didn’t remember putting it there. He sat up, my leg was still in place and I came up with him. His legs went down the side of the bed, his feet planted on the floor. His hands were on my hips slowly raising and lowering me onto the renewed firm, hard flesh of his shaft. He sped the movements of his arms and the bottoms of my thighs began to make harder contact with the tops of his, causing a loud smacking noise. I was close to yet another release, still sensitive from our session not long before but more than just that. I didn’t know if it was his size or if he was extremely experienced with his equipment, maybe both, but he was good.
My thighs tightened around his waist, my back arched slightly and I threw my head back. That’s when I felt it. We weren’t alone. I sensed someone close and, I was certain, it wasn’t entirely human. The orgasm ripped through my body, even as I tried to hold it at bay.
“Oh. My. God.” I screamed half in pleasure, half in horror. When I was able to bring my head forward my eyes locked with black reflections of my own staring in the window behind Marshall’s back.
Marshall missed the horror that was in my voice and the fear running through my body. His arms worked harder to speed the already quick pace. My cry had excited him further.
I tried to get his attention by whispering his name. He thought I was still in the holds of ecstasy and only responded to my failed attempts by moaning. “Oh, Coral. Oh, Coral. I love you, more than anything. Anything!”
It was cute but not the time for it. I wondered what he’d do if I pinched him but thought better of it. He is stronger than I am. My eyes stayed locked with the stranger, a female I was almost positive. They didn’t appear to be going anywhere. I’d let Marshall finish and I guess let them watch. What was I going to be able to do? Should I enjoy myself? Probably not, I wanted to keep my eye on them, no matter how bouncy my vision was.
Marshall’s arms started to slow and I wasn’t sure if not enjoying myself was an option. He moved my hips in slow circles. I moaned but forced my eyes to stay open and forward. His mouth clamped over my breast. His speed alternated every few seconds; fast, slow, fast, slow. He was close. I seen him glance up at me from the corner of my eye, he seemed displeased that I wasn’t watching him. He sank his teeth into the soft tissue of my breast and began sucking. I was horrified by the stranger watching, distraught by the fact Marshall just bit me and slammed instantly through ecstasy’s front door. I couldn’t hold eye contact with the person at the window anymore. I didn’t know what would happen when I closed my eyes but at that moment I didn’t care either.
My head went back; a primitive sound started in my gut and rose up my throat breaking through my lips, parting them. It wasn’t a moan or a scream but something more simple and built from pure pleasure. Marshall slammed my hips down, hard. He managed to penetrate me as deep as possible. He circled my hips clockwise and did the same with his. All the while still latched to my breast, sucking. The noise coming from my mouth grew louder and I leaned forward finding the fleshy part on his shoulder to quiet it. My teeth sank into his skin with little effort making his blood flow into my mouth. It was thicker than human blood and flavored different but had a certain power, almost electric. He rammed my hips down on him three more times. I wiggled on him, forcing his phallus deeper into me. He moaned long and deep but muffled by my breast. I slid my teeth from the flesh of his shoulder and licked the blood from around the wound as he did the same with my breast. He fell backwards with his eyes closed. I fell on him and started licking at the blood that had dropped from his chin onto his chest. Then I remembered our peeping tom. I looked up and they were still there, smiling. I was right by thinking it was a woman and by the look on her face she appeared to enjoy the show.
“Marshall?” I breathed so low I could barely hear it.
“Huh? Yeah.” His hand came up to stroke my hair.
“Someone’s been watching us.” Still just a breath. I wondered if she could hear me.
Marshall’s eyes flew open and he followed my gaze. The woman, who’d just been smiling, looked at Marshall and horror filled her face.
“She’s just like you, Coral. The pattern in her eyes is the same as yours.” Happiness flowed through his voice and he smiled at her.
She turned with a blur. “Wait! I need to talk to you!” I shouted.
Marshall moved quickly. He threw a pair of shorts and a t-shirt at me and then pulled on his jeans. I was dressed when he turned to me, “Go, I’ll lock the door. I’m faster than you. Hurry she has a head start, I’ll catch up. I don’t want to scare her but she’s what we’ve been looking for and we can’t let her get away. Go!”
I ran as if my life depended on it.
His arms were instantly around me. His mouth on mine. My leg hooked around his waist but I didn’t remember putting it there. He sat up, my leg was still in place and I came up with him. His legs went down the side of the bed, his feet planted on the floor. His hands were on my hips slowly raising and lowering me onto the renewed firm, hard flesh of his shaft. He sped the movements of his arms and the bottoms of my thighs began to make harder contact with the tops of his, causing a loud smacking noise. I was close to yet another release, still sensitive from our session not long before but more than just that. I didn’t know if it was his size or if he was extremely experienced with his equipment, maybe both, but he was good.
My thighs tightened around his waist, my back arched slightly and I threw my head back. That’s when I felt it. We weren’t alone. I sensed someone close and, I was certain, it wasn’t entirely human. The orgasm ripped through my body, even as I tried to hold it at bay.
“Oh. My. God.” I screamed half in pleasure, half in horror. When I was able to bring my head forward my eyes locked with black reflections of my own staring in the window behind Marshall’s back.
Marshall missed the horror that was in my voice and the fear running through my body. His arms worked harder to speed the already quick pace. My cry had excited him further.
I tried to get his attention by whispering his name. He thought I was still in the holds of ecstasy and only responded to my failed attempts by moaning. “Oh, Coral. Oh, Coral. I love you, more than anything. Anything!”
It was cute but not the time for it. I wondered what he’d do if I pinched him but thought better of it. He is stronger than I am. My eyes stayed locked with the stranger, a female I was almost positive. They didn’t appear to be going anywhere. I’d let Marshall finish and I guess let them watch. What was I going to be able to do? Should I enjoy myself? Probably not, I wanted to keep my eye on them, no matter how bouncy my vision was.
Marshall’s arms started to slow and I wasn’t sure if not enjoying myself was an option. He moved my hips in slow circles. I moaned but forced my eyes to stay open and forward. His mouth clamped over my breast. His speed alternated every few seconds; fast, slow, fast, slow. He was close. I seen him glance up at me from the corner of my eye, he seemed displeased that I wasn’t watching him. He sank his teeth into the soft tissue of my breast and began sucking. I was horrified by the stranger watching, distraught by the fact Marshall just bit me and slammed instantly through ecstasy’s front door. I couldn’t hold eye contact with the person at the window anymore. I didn’t know what would happen when I closed my eyes but at that moment I didn’t care either.
My head went back; a primitive sound started in my gut and rose up my throat breaking through my lips, parting them. It wasn’t a moan or a scream but something more simple and built from pure pleasure. Marshall slammed my hips down, hard. He managed to penetrate me as deep as possible. He circled my hips clockwise and did the same with his. All the while still latched to my breast, sucking. The noise coming from my mouth grew louder and I leaned forward finding the fleshy part on his shoulder to quiet it. My teeth sank into his skin with little effort making his blood flow into my mouth. It was thicker than human blood and flavored different but had a certain power, almost electric. He rammed my hips down on him three more times. I wiggled on him, forcing his phallus deeper into me. He moaned long and deep but muffled by my breast. I slid my teeth from the flesh of his shoulder and licked the blood from around the wound as he did the same with my breast. He fell backwards with his eyes closed. I fell on him and started licking at the blood that had dropped from his chin onto his chest. Then I remembered our peeping tom. I looked up and they were still there, smiling. I was right by thinking it was a woman and by the look on her face she appeared to enjoy the show.
“Marshall?” I breathed so low I could barely hear it.
“Huh? Yeah.” His hand came up to stroke my hair.
“Someone’s been watching us.” Still just a breath. I wondered if she could hear me.
Marshall’s eyes flew open and he followed my gaze. The woman, who’d just been smiling, looked at Marshall and horror filled her face.
“She’s just like you, Coral. The pattern in her eyes is the same as yours.” Happiness flowed through his voice and he smiled at her.
She turned with a blur. “Wait! I need to talk to you!” I shouted.
Marshall moved quickly. He threw a pair of shorts and a t-shirt at me and then pulled on his jeans. I was dressed when he turned to me, “Go, I’ll lock the door. I’m faster than you. Hurry she has a head start, I’ll catch up. I don’t want to scare her but she’s what we’ve been looking for and we can’t let her get away. Go!”
I ran as if my life depended on it.
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